Tag Archives: pain management

Devil on my Shoulder

30 Nov
Devil on my Shoulder
There’s a devil on my shoulder
But he doesn’t tell me, “Drink!”
He doesn’t urge to lie or steal
Instead, he whispers, “Sink”
This devil took his seat way back
In two thousand and six
He caused my clavicle damage
Which no surgeon can fix
Every day he brings the pain
The first moment I wake
Under every smile and laugh
This devil makes me ache
He twists his pitch fork deep and hard
Whenever people doubt
The pain spreads to my gut and makes
Me want to puke lunch out
Sometimes lightning dances there
And sometimes lava pours
Of all the challenges I’ve faced
Of all the tests and wars
Nothing pushes my limits
As this small devil does
The fog, fatigue, the hurt, the ache
And all of it because?
More than 10 years have now passed
And still I don’t know why
And many with the same devil
Have made the choice to die
What is it that keeps me going?
What drags me along?
Why do I not cry and pout
Despite all that is wrong?
Perhaps because that devil is
Not just a part of me
He takes up space no matter where
On this world you may be
And our purpose is not to rid
Ourselves of that horned beast
Our purpose and our mission is
Not just to be released
Our purpose is to battle and
Our purpose is to duel
Charlie Mike, continue mission
Even with no fuel
And when the last breath leaves your lungs
There’s no peace to be had
I won’t be going to heaven
To chill with Christ and dad
That little shit who sat upon
My mortal shoulder can’t
Get away that easy, no
To him I will not grant
Reprieve simply because my body
Ceases to exist
I’m coming down to meet him and
I’m balling up my fist
Religious folk are scared of hell
And hope they can avoid
The fire and the brimstone by
Not getting so annoyed
But for the ones like me who carry
Devils dealing pain
Hell is where we are right now
And somehow we maintain
Grace, composure, empathy
Despite lightning and flame
Through focus and intensity
No sorries and no shame
Make yourself as comfortable
As you can, little scamp
‘Cause when it’s time to move on
I’ll be coming to YOUR camp

The Wretch

5 Sep

“Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” ~Jim Morrison

The Wretch

There once was a pathetic wretch who got an injury
To get away from chronic pain was his one constant plea
The shooting pain turned him into a sour, sorry grouch
All he wanted to do was to lay down on the couch

He whined and cried and wanted all to feel sorry for him
He thought they did not understand how arduous and grim
That each and every single day had become in his life
No one understood, not friends, not family, not wife

He searched for help but no one seemed to be able to aid
Even the good Lord above was silent when he prayed
But then one day he encountered one with no sympathy
Who understood him well and proceeded to shake his tree

While many said, “So sorry” and they tried in vain to help
This Warrior he spoke to looked at him like a small whelp
This Warrior would not listen to all of his complaining
She made it clear to him that what it took was intense training

She closed the door on his dream of living his life pain free
She did explain that it was something he would never see
She called him on his bullshit and she told him who he was
She told him that managing pain is what a Warrior does

She told him, “It’s a part of you” and to step up and own
That it was now ingrained in him as much as flesh and bone
That he needed to embrace it as he embraced the rest
That it was something not to be loathed, hated or repressed

“Feel, accept, control, conquer, repeat when it is needed”
She looked at him with no remorse, he thought she was conceded
It burned how little sympathy she showed and made him feel
Like he was a pathetic wretch who liked to moan and squeal

He walked away from that meeting surprised and quite offended
But shortly after that he pondered and he comprehended
The cold, calm look upon her face had haunted him for days
It was the look of strength and truth in that Warrior’s gaze

She didn’t dance around his feelings or mince what she said
And she was the only person whose words rang in his head
The well wishes and thoughts and prayers went in and out one ear
But something about her delivery had shown no fear

The look upon her face he now thought back and did discern
She’d faced the same battle and now her Warrior eyes did burn
She came upon the same problem and made the choice to own
And that was why to his complaining she could not be prone

She knew it was not such a beast, that he was stronger than
Anything that ailed him but because he turned and ran
She saw him as pathetic for making the coward’s choice
No longer could he disagree with her Warrior voice

He stopped complaining of the painful hand that had been dealt
He left the groaning out when he spoke about how he felt
He kept a straight face and he clutched his pain close to his chest
“Thank you, Lord” he said to God, “I do feel very blessed”

Every single time he felt a stabbing, aching pain
He suited up and prepared to do battle with his brain
He fought and survived every time and grew in confidence
And since he learned great self-control, he did not take offense

Whenever someone else attacked, to him, another pain
To be endured with grace and strength on his life-long campaign
Of managing, not getting rid of all the things that hurt
He learned that the key was to face, not to run and avert

He was so thankful to that Warrior who told him straight
Who made him feel he was pathetic and made him irate
Now a Warrior, he did admit that she was right
He had become a wretch ‘cause of his chronic, painful plight

And since he did embrace the painful truth that she had spoke
No longer did he feel like a pathetic, sad jamoke
He did become a Warrior Poet who then did write
Wise words which at times offended, stung and did incite

But always had a theme which most were able to infer:
All the things that hold you back, discourage and deter
Are things that you can embrace, face and take ownership for
You have the strength within to fight that never-ending war


F**k Comfort

15 Sep

F**k Comfort

So often when someone’s going
Through a trying time
They want to just take it easy
Take a break from the climb

“Now is not the best time ‘cause
I’m going through some things”
Is the song that a person
Who seeks out comfort sings

I say with all my vigor
“The loaded gun’s in front of you
Have courage, pull the trigger!”

Growth comes from discomfort, there
Is no denying that
No one ever got stronger
Who only hid and sat

“What the hell you waiting for?
A bright and sunny day?
For all the pieces to fall into
Place and go your way?”

I tell them that my mind and body
Only grew when I
Embraced discomfort and ploughed through
Instead of whine and cry

When my body fell apart
It wasn’t until when
I accepted aches and pains
That I discovered Zen

When I lost my job that paid me
Quite a bit of dough
It wasn’t ‘till I stopped caring
That my real wealth did flow

It wasn’t ‘till I lost my house
That I did understand
“Home” is where you’re standing now
And not a piece of land

When I lost my firstborn (yes
That is some heavy stuff)
Confronting it and letting go
Is how I got so tough

Shit is going to happen, you can
Count on that, my friends
Whether it makes you stronger
On you solely depends

If you need a break from life
‘Cause you can’t deal right now
This warrior who’s been through hell
Will make you this stern vow:

“You’ll always suffer through your life
Because you are a prince
Or princess who desires comfort
And at pain does wince

You’ll never achieve anything
For the good of mankind

So get the hell out of the way
Of warriors like me
If we can’t inspire you
To all that you can be

Then do us just this one comfort
That we ourselves will grant
Shut up and please spare us your
Discomfortable rant

‘Cause warriors see wasted chances
Where you could have grown
Princes and princesses who just
Bitch and cry and moan”