Tag Archives: injury

Devil on my Shoulder

30 Nov
Devil on my Shoulder
 
There’s a devil on my shoulder
But he doesn’t tell me, “Drink!”
He doesn’t urge to lie or steal
Instead, he whispers, “Sink”
 
This devil took his seat way back
In two thousand and six
He caused my clavicle damage
Which no surgeon can fix
 
Every day he brings the pain
The first moment I wake
Under every smile and laugh
This devil makes me ache
 
He twists his pitch fork deep and hard
Whenever people doubt
The pain spreads to my gut and makes
Me want to puke lunch out
 
Sometimes lightning dances there
And sometimes lava pours
Of all the challenges I’ve faced
Of all the tests and wars
 
Nothing pushes my limits
As this small devil does
The fog, fatigue, the hurt, the ache
And all of it because?
 
More than 10 years have now passed
And still I don’t know why
And many with the same devil
Have made the choice to die
 
What is it that keeps me going?
What drags me along?
Why do I not cry and pout
Despite all that is wrong?
 
Perhaps because that devil is
Not just a part of me
He takes up space no matter where
On this world you may be
 
And our purpose is not to rid
Ourselves of that horned beast
Our purpose and our mission is
Not just to be released
 
Our purpose is to battle and
Our purpose is to duel
Charlie Mike, continue mission
Even with no fuel
 
And when the last breath leaves your lungs
There’s no peace to be had
I won’t be going to heaven
To chill with Christ and dad
 
That little shit who sat upon
My mortal shoulder can’t
Get away that easy, no
To him I will not grant
 
Reprieve simply because my body
Ceases to exist
I’m coming down to meet him and
I’m balling up my fist
 
Religious folk are scared of hell
And hope they can avoid
The fire and the brimstone by
Not getting so annoyed
 
But for the ones like me who carry
Devils dealing pain
Hell is where we are right now
And somehow we maintain
 
Grace, composure, empathy
Despite lightning and flame
Through focus and intensity
No sorries and no shame
 
Make yourself as comfortable
As you can, little scamp
‘Cause when it’s time to move on
I’ll be coming to YOUR camp
 
                           ~Miro

King of Pain

29 Oct
crown
King of Pain
 
I wake up and the crown descends and digs into my skull
The King of Pain has risen and the day will not be dull
It won’t be numb, it won’t be foggy, cloudy, fuzzy, dim
Because I don’t use alcohol to make my aching slim
 
I don’t use weed to take the edge off of my Kingdom’s strain
I don’t use coke or smack to bring fleeting joy to my brain
I am a Warrior and I believe I do not need
Anything outside myself to survive or succeed
 
While peasants popped their pills at every hint of misery
While paupers took a swig or shot for one night to be free
While peons, rubes and boors lit up and blocked the pain with smoke
This King faced torment head-on and here’s what years did invoke:
 
Patience, perseverance, courage, adamance, resolve
Self-belief, self-confidence, incentive to evolve
Clarity to see that we empower all the things
From which we run and hide from, while confronting always brings
 
Growth and depth and understanding, confidence and peace
Normals robbed themselves each time they used something to cease
The lightning shooting through their nerves while Kings all choose to reign
Be challenged, tested, honed and forged by their Kingdom of Pain
 
                                             ~Miro
Image

The Mileage

2 Jul

jones

Vicariously

30 Apr

Vicarious: adjective – felt or enjoyed through imagined participation in the experience of others.

vicarious
Vicariously

The athlete wraps his swollen knee
To take the pain down one degree
He puts his uniform on and he stands

He stretches and he grunts and sneers
While in the background thunder cheers
Of fans who have some very high demands

He does some squats and starts to sweat
His knee and shoulder play roulette
Sometimes they stab, sometimes it’s just an ache

He does this every single day
And though the word they use is “play”
He knows that it’s not “fun” that is at stake

He pushes himself to his edge
He sacrifices, makes a pledge
To expect more from himself than of others

He puts on all his gear and walks
Out of the locker room and talks
With his comrades, his teammates and his brothers

But soon they’re all drowned out by fans
Who yell and scream within the stands
Who shout, “We’re gonna win!” with all their might

A man who hasn’t run in ages
Takes a swig of beer and rages
“Show them what we’re made of and go fight!”

The athlete sees another man
Who tries to not spill his beer can
While nachos balance in his other grip

He holds the chips up to his face
And gobbles some without much grace
And with a full mouth thunders, “Let ‘er rip!”

Thousands pack the seats today
To chant, to cheer, to hope, to pray
To live vicariously through the men

Who choose discomfort, struggle, pain
Through snow and sleet and cold and rain
Fans pin their hopes on warriors again

“We’re gonna win!” some slob declares
And athlete does look up and stares
A cold and steely glance because he’s heard

Enough people who act involved
So athlete’s poise becomes dissolved
Because for him it is all so absurd

He says what is on all the minds
Of his teammates as he reminds
The nacho chomping fan it’s not *his* win

Until he puts the nachos down
And hits the gym and goes to town
Which makes his teammates all chuckle and grin

The nacho chomping fan is stunned
He feels betrayed and hurt and shunned
And now he cheers for the opposing team!

Once again he lives through those
Who saw two choices and they chose
Not path of comfort but the one extreme

The athletes all compete and drive
Each other to feel more alive
While fans in stands sit by and feel connected

And cheer and pump their fists with zeal
As if their achievement is real
Vicarious accomplishment injected

They all go home and feel quite spent
“Man, what a game!” one does lament
“We gave them everything we had out there!”

The athlete shakes his head and limps
His way past all the oafs and wimps
And then collapses down into a chair

He slowly pulls the knee wrap off
The pain hits him and makes him cough
“WE won jack shit” he mumbles quietly

“The victory is for my team
No matter much you all scream
And how much you live vicariously”

                             ~Miro

Compensate

3 Apr

compensate

Compensate

“All or nothing” is a way
Of thinking that will lead
To nothing more than standing still
If you have just one speed

As years go by the damage will
Take toll on a few parts
But when a limb is lost, that’s when
The intensity starts

And heightened training  on surviving
Limbs must then be done
If something is wrong with your arm
Your task is then to run

If knees are shot or ankles ache
Then get yourself a bench
Realize your arms still work
And can be used to clench

And lift and throw around dead weight
And get your life blood flowing
If atrophy attacks one part
Then others must be growing

Compensate, don’t sit and cry
About what doesn’t work
Don’t focus on injury
‘Cause healthy parts you’ll shirk

Warriors will find a way
To push themselves as far
Physically as they can go
No matter what does mar

They’ll run or walk with neck and back
And shoulder injuries
They’ll exercise their abs and chest
Despite their blown-out knees

They are aware of what remains
And let go of what’s gone
So that the healthy parts increase
In endurance and brawn

                                        ~Miro

Atrophy

10 Dec

“Man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed, but not defeated.” ~Ernest Hemingway

atrophy

Atrophy

Atrophy, the shrinking of
The muscles that you’ve built
Body parts that once were stern
Now droop, deflate and tilt

It sometimes feels like tossing water
Out a sinking boat
With just a tiny bucket and
Soon you won’t be afloat

It’s difficult to keep training
When all you do is weaken
Duty is what serves as my
Eternal guiding beacon

You do the best you can with what
You have to work with, friends
And so I push myself as much
As I can while strength ends

I run as fast as I can even
Though endurance fades
I lift a fraction because my
Power of old evades

But every day when I lay down
I know I did my best
The atrophy can’t stop me from
Beating upon my chest

A broken Warrior but still
A Warrior no less
I’m not defined by the weight that
I lift on the bench press

I’m not defined by the time that
It takes to run a mile
I am defined by all the pain
I endure with a smile

I am defined by how much I
Can do with shrinking frame
And it’s always the maximum
And for that, there’s no shame

                                     ~Miro

Dark and Quiet

26 Nov

Dark & Quiet

This message is more specific
Than most that I do write
It’s directed at people who
Wage a similar fight

It’s for those who are dealing with
A chronic kind of pain
Physical in body or
Emotional in brain

I’ve managed to reintegrate
Myself in the workforce
After years of having my
Ailments take me off course

I was not able to pick up
Exactly where I’d left
Some factors had to be tweaked and
Conditions made bereft

When one is constantly in pain
Your senses grow intense
Making things a bit darker
Serves as a good defense

The normal lighting tubes above
Which most will pay no mind
Over prolonged hours cause
Fatigue is what I find

And so I’ve made an effort to
Keep man-made light around
Dimmer than normal in order
To feel much less wound

Darkened lenses on my glasses
Also help to serve
To block excessive lighting in
Which plucks the painful nerve

Yes, some will look at you strange
Or say, “You think you’re cool?”
But to me, he who worries of
Such things is the real fool

The other factor that has helped
Is to keep the noise low
I’ve made an effort to stay clear
Of those who do bellow

And speak more loudly than is needed
All that extra noise
Over time will only serve
To erode all your poise

The truth is that most people talk
Far more than is required
And I have learned that excess only
Leads to getting tired

I choose my actions carefully
And made what I have last
And that applies to talking when
I’m contacted or asked

It isn’t necessary to
Just yammer on all day
And being one who has learned this
I like to stay away

From those who have no concept of
“Enough” because they just
Serve to be another pain
That is upon me thrust

Dark and quiet’s how I work
And where my peace does thrive
Dark and quiet’s how this broken
Vessel does survive

You cannot stop your body from
Breaking down, but you can
Change your outside factors and
Devise a fitting plan

To work around what holds you back
But you must have the guts
To make accommodations even
If they’ll think you’re nuts

                                    ~Miro

Mileage

21 Nov

“It’s not the years, honey, it’s the mileage.” ~Indiana Jones

Mileage

I often hear from readers that
I’m quite wise for my age
They are surprised that someone with
So few greys can be sage

As a fedora’d hero once
Described, “It’s not the years
It is the mileage” that strengthens
Enlightens and clears

There’s many silver-haired children
Who walk the Earth each day
Many years under their belt
But no wisdom to say

They lived soft, comfortable lives and
Avoided sacrifice
They ran away from challenges
That were not “kind” and “nice”

Wrinkles do adorn their faces
And their backs are stooped
But these old children with Warriors
Can never be grouped

It’s not the years but mileage
Which makes one who’s a teen
Much more understanding, introspective
And serene

Because of losses they’ve endured
And hardships they’ve survived
These fresh-faced “kids” took Hell’s best shot
And conquered, thwarted, thrived

Although I’ve not yet seen forty
I’ve walked the extra mile
Enough to make my odometer
No longer compile

Years no longer have meaning
Grey hairs don’t upset me
Wrinkles and crow’s feet don’t make me
Wail like a banshee

Because I’ve learned that years do not
Reveal wisdom accrued
The key is mileage which isn’t
As easily viewed

                               ~Miro

The Wretch

5 Sep

“Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” ~Jim Morrison

The Wretch

There once was a pathetic wretch who got an injury
To get away from chronic pain was his one constant plea
The shooting pain turned him into a sour, sorry grouch
All he wanted to do was to lay down on the couch

He whined and cried and wanted all to feel sorry for him
He thought they did not understand how arduous and grim
That each and every single day had become in his life
No one understood, not friends, not family, not wife

He searched for help but no one seemed to be able to aid
Even the good Lord above was silent when he prayed
But then one day he encountered one with no sympathy
Who understood him well and proceeded to shake his tree

While many said, “So sorry” and they tried in vain to help
This Warrior he spoke to looked at him like a small whelp
This Warrior would not listen to all of his complaining
She made it clear to him that what it took was intense training

She closed the door on his dream of living his life pain free
She did explain that it was something he would never see
She called him on his bullshit and she told him who he was
She told him that managing pain is what a Warrior does

She told him, “It’s a part of you” and to step up and own
That it was now ingrained in him as much as flesh and bone
That he needed to embrace it as he embraced the rest
That it was something not to be loathed, hated or repressed

“Feel, accept, control, conquer, repeat when it is needed”
She looked at him with no remorse, he thought she was conceded
It burned how little sympathy she showed and made him feel
Like he was a pathetic wretch who liked to moan and squeal

He walked away from that meeting surprised and quite offended
But shortly after that he pondered and he comprehended
The cold, calm look upon her face had haunted him for days
It was the look of strength and truth in that Warrior’s gaze

She didn’t dance around his feelings or mince what she said
And she was the only person whose words rang in his head
The well wishes and thoughts and prayers went in and out one ear
But something about her delivery had shown no fear

The look upon her face he now thought back and did discern
She’d faced the same battle and now her Warrior eyes did burn
She came upon the same problem and made the choice to own
And that was why to his complaining she could not be prone

She knew it was not such a beast, that he was stronger than
Anything that ailed him but because he turned and ran
She saw him as pathetic for making the coward’s choice
No longer could he disagree with her Warrior voice

He stopped complaining of the painful hand that had been dealt
He left the groaning out when he spoke about how he felt
He kept a straight face and he clutched his pain close to his chest
“Thank you, Lord” he said to God, “I do feel very blessed”

Every single time he felt a stabbing, aching pain
He suited up and prepared to do battle with his brain
He fought and survived every time and grew in confidence
And since he learned great self-control, he did not take offense

Whenever someone else attacked, to him, another pain
To be endured with grace and strength on his life-long campaign
Of managing, not getting rid of all the things that hurt
He learned that the key was to face, not to run and avert

He was so thankful to that Warrior who told him straight
Who made him feel he was pathetic and made him irate
Now a Warrior, he did admit that she was right
He had become a wretch ‘cause of his chronic, painful plight

And since he did embrace the painful truth that she had spoke
No longer did he feel like a pathetic, sad jamoke
He did become a Warrior Poet who then did write
Wise words which at times offended, stung and did incite

But always had a theme which most were able to infer:
All the things that hold you back, discourage and deter
Are things that you can embrace, face and take ownership for
You have the strength within to fight that never-ending war

                                                                  ~Miro

A Warrior Still

22 Dec

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”  ~Winston Churchill

A Warrior Still

When a warrior falls
In the face of a test
There’s one thing they are
As they heal up and rest:

A warrior still

When an illness they get
Brings them down to their knees
They are this one thing
In the face of disease:

A warrior still

When they’re running on empty
And each step is a chore
Despite weakened state
They’re what they were before:

A warrior still

Regardless of how
The outcome turns out
The participant of
The battle’s no doubt

A warrior still

So when you are down
When you feel weak and broken
Let these five words
Be intensely spoken:

“I am a warrior STILL”

                           ~Miro