Know Thyself

7 Sep

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”
― Lao Tzu

I had a conversation at work recently that the other party wasn’t very happy with by the end. Bottom line was that he wanted a certain thing that he couldn’t have and he felt he was an exception to the rule. I disagreed. Although the entire conversation was conducted in a professional manner from my end, he made a complaint to my manager accusing me of being unprofessional.

In these types of situations where someone points an accusing finger, we’re typically supposed to feel threatened and go on the defensive. This is our undoing, because appearing defensive often shows the other person that our emotions can be easily influenced by others, which somewhat legitimizes their criticism.

As my manager asked me for my side of the story, rather than getting worked up that someone would say such dishonest things and make such false accusations, I simply smiled and said I knew this conversation was coming, and was surprised it had taken this long to take place. As a Warrior, I willingly walked into the fire, even asking “What kept you?” rather than dread it as the normals do.

I proceeded to calmly explain that the complaint was coming from a spoiled rotten brat and a bully. A manipulative man who seemed to always get what he wants, and when he’s tested, he gets a boo-boo face and does something pathetic such as making a complaint to my manager in an attempt to hurt me. I informed my manager that I spoke to this person on the phone in the same manner that I was speaking now, and the same manner as I speak to everyone. I don’t tip toe on eggshells. I don’t believe in pandering to people. I tell it like it is, devoid of emotion, and I have no issues with telling someone “No” when I’m following an edict handed down to me by upper management.  I also don’t believe in giving someone what they want simply because they get upset. The opposite in fact. Too many people throw a fit to get what they want. Their parents did them a disservice and now they’re children running around in an adult’s body. I finished by saying “You can’t always get what you want.” I reminded him of my recent trials and the grace I maintained through them, and asked him if losing my unborn child didn’t cause me to lose my grace or control, then how much chance did this pathetic man have in doing so? I had the courage to trust myself and my past actions absolutely, and not one iota of doubt ever entered my mind.

In the end, my manager believed me. And you know what? It doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, and it doesn’t matter what this person who made the complaint thinks. It also doesn’t matter to me when someone pays me a compliment, thanking me for my dedication (that’s balance). I inquired about making my own complaint against him to his manager, which my manager thought was unnecessary. I let the notion go immediately, just as I let everything else go when it’s not in the cards, because I don’t care what that employee’s manager thinks either.

None of these people’s opinions matter to me because I know the truth. I know myself, and I know that I’m understanding, I employ empathy and I always go the extra mile, but I also know a selfish asshole when I hear one. I know a bully who uses intimidation to get his or her way when they don’t get what they want, and I know I have the courage to say “No” and the grace to not allow someone’s wounded ego to control my emotions. I’m not Deepak Chopra or Mahatma Gandhi. Never claimed to be. The “love everyone, especially those who are hard to love” mentality doesn’t work for me and never has. I’m more of a “What is not for you is against you, what is against you is your enemy and you need to conquer it” kind of guy. I recognize the selfish, manipulative, unempathetic pieces of garbage when they cross my path, and I give them exactly what I feel they need. Not love, not a soft and gentle voice, but a stern and adamant “I disagree” or “That doesn’t work for me.” They are the way they are not because of their losses but because of everything they’ve been privileged to have. I feel it’s my duty to keep them from having one more thing if they appear to me to be someone who throws a hissy fit when they don’t once again get their way. It’s my astronomical losses that have given me the ability to let things go in the blink of an eye and not be emotionally affected by not getting what I want. It was being spoiled earlier in life that caused me to get upset or unhappy whenever I didn’t get what I wanted. It’s losing two babies and being in constant physical pain that’s allowed me to be unaffected today whenever something doesn’t go the way I planned it to. I’ve lived both lives and have paid attention to my reactions in both mindsets, and it’s helped me understand others. It’s being honest with myself that has given me this absolute confidence.

I know myself, and I fully trust myself. I made no apologies to my manager, and said this tactic was intended to simply make me question my actions going forward, which I wouldn’t be doing. I hope this story serves as a lesson; that an accusing finger doesn’t have to “ruin your day.” It is possible to have the confidence to simply let it roll off your back, and that confidence will shield you from the pathetic, sniveling attacks of selfish, cowardly brats as long as you know yourself, and you know that your motives are not self-serving.


7 Responses to “Know Thyself”

  1. tteclod September 7, 2013 at 11:57 am #

    Well said. This should be in every manhood 101 class ever offered.

  2. Eric Tonningsen September 7, 2013 at 12:42 pm #

    Empathy, confidence, trust, and choice. Collectively, they are powerfully grounding qualities and pillars to one’s being authentic. Well communicated, Miro. And thanks!

  3. Eric Tonningsen September 7, 2013 at 12:44 pm #

    Reblogged this on Awakening to Your Story and commented:
    A fellow blogger, Miro, nails the matter (and opportunity) of being honest and confident in who you are. Worth reading…

  4. my2twobits September 7, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

    Reblogged this on My two bits about life and work.

  5. Eric Tonningsen September 11, 2013 at 2:05 am #

    There is a reader comment, intended for you Miro (re: this post), on my blog.

  6. Eva September 15, 2013 at 6:19 pm #

    Reblogged this on Evablazing.

  7. Sue Dreamwalker October 7, 2013 at 10:02 am #

    Well I am going to compliment you anyway Miro, and add knowing your own truth is what matters as you have pointed out…. Wonderful account and if people were more honest in their natures around the world instead of all their ‘hissy fits’… Life would be more harmonious

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