Archive | August, 2013

The Warrior’s Choice

31 Aug

“It’s not that easy,” I’ve been told
When I use the word, “Choice”
They tell me they have no control
Of the tone in their voice

When they are mad, when they are sad
When something makes them scared
Choosing to control their feelings
Very few have dared

They don’t get what they want and so
They let their weakness flow
They pout, they cry, they whine, they snap
And wallow in their woe

“Why don’t you choose to fight your angst?”
I ask them even though
I know exactly why, because
They do not choose to grow

“It’s not that easy!” they reply
And since ease is not there
They act as though I’m silly and
For my words they don’t care

I think about the ultrasound
The doctor stares at screen
My wife still lays there hopeful but
I already do glean

I read the doctor’s posture and
His tone before he talks
I know the baby’s heart has stopped
As mine now loudly knocks

My wife asks if he sees both legs
He says, “There’s something worse”
I see the truth upon his face
As well as on the nurse

And though it’s “not that easy,” I
Choose to employ control
Instead of sorrow, I choose grace
And hold my wife, console

I hug her crying parents but
No tears adorn my eyes
Later, I console my mother
As she wails and cries

I never lose control because
My choice was resolute
Just as for years I have now done
This choice I won’t refute

And weak normals will doubt and say
“You’re in shock or denial!”
I waste no words on them because
No challenge, test or trial

Will ever hone them, forge them into
Something strong and stern
These doubting normals only do
For ease and comfort yearn

Yes, it would have been easy
To cry and wail and scream
But ease to Warriors exists
Only in far off dreams…

4 Aug

At our follow-up, we were told the baby’s heart had stopped.

Thank you to all who sent well-wishes, and especially those who went the extra mile to send a private message of love and support (and continue to do so) throughout not only this heavy news, but also the physical and emotional ordeal my wife had to endure afterwards. If you’d like to send her your support directly, you can contact her on her Facebook page My Zen Journey.

Peace, grace, strength,