Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life itself reveals again and again the opposite: that letting go is the path to real freedom.
Just as when the waves lash at the shore, the rocks suffer no damage but are sculpted and eroded into beautiful shapes, so our character can be molded and our rough edges worn smooth by changes.
You emerged alive
You offered your life
In pain and strife.
A simple thank you
Does not suffice
For the gratefulness
Danger every day
You cleared the path
You paved the way.
You gave yourself
Stood in the breach
Passed through hell.
What else can I say?
What else can I do
But shake your hand with…
For a true warrior, training is everything. Our common role in this modern life detracts us from our true path...but through moments of infinite silence, our meditation leads us back to who we are meant to be.... Most men are afraid of venturing that far deep within themselves so as to reach this place. Most are just afraid of being alone...
"Doing" is the difference between seeing a need and filling a need. It's the difference between dreaming a dream and living one. It's the difference between being alive and just sitting there on your ipad waiting for your facebook homepage to reload...
(For those of you who clicked on this blog because it just appeared on your facebook homepage... um, I wasn't talking about you.
For once I am breaking my own rule on this site, & am posting a poem - because this poem is absolutely What I Am, and fits with the spirit of this blog, too. This poem is in my heart right now.
Do not mistake my kindness for weakness;
Do not think that as a Healer I am helpless,
My heart is open but not unprotected -
Thanks for stopping by my little
The message here does not exactly
Make most people swarm
To join and comment since most truths
Of which I speak are tough
Most normals get offended
And storm off in a huff
My message is not for those weaklings
But for folks like you
The 1-in-100, the Warrior
Who knows what’s true
Is rarely easy, comfortable
Or pleasant, so may I
Take this moment to say thanks
For being an ally
“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”
― Lao Tzu
I had a conversation at work recently that the other party wasn’t very happy with by the end. Bottom line was that he wanted a certain thing that he couldn’t have and he felt he was an exception to the rule. I disagreed. Although the entire conversation was conducted in a professional manner from my end, he made a complaint to my manager accusing me of being unprofessional.
In these types of situations where someone points an accusing finger, we’re typically supposed to feel threatened and go on the defensive. This is our undoing, because appearing defensive often shows the other person that our emotions can be easily influenced by others, which somewhat legitimizes their criticism.
As my manager asked me for my side of the story, rather than getting worked up that someone would say such dishonest things and make such false accusations, I simply smiled and said I knew this conversation was coming, and was surprised it had taken this long to take place. As a Warrior, I willingly walked into the fire, even asking “What kept you?” rather than dread it as the normals do.
I proceeded to calmly explain that the complaint was coming from a spoiled rotten brat and a bully. A manipulative man who seemed to always get what he wants, and when he’s tested, he gets a boo-boo face and does something pathetic such as making a complaint to my manager in an attempt to hurt me. I informed my manager that I spoke to this person on the phone in the same manner that I was speaking now, and the same manner as I speak to everyone. I don’t tip toe on eggshells. I don’t believe in pandering to people. I tell it like it is, devoid of emotion, and I have no issues with telling someone “No” when I’m following an edict handed down to me by upper management. I also don’t believe in giving someone what they want simply because they get upset. The opposite in fact. Too many people throw a fit to get what they want. Their parents did them a disservice and now they’re children running around in an adult’s body. I finished by saying “You can’t always get what you want.” I reminded him of my recent trials and the grace I maintained through them, and asked him if losing my unborn child didn’t cause me to lose my grace or control, then how much chance did this pathetic man have in doing so? I had the courage to trust myself and my past actions absolutely, and not one iota of doubt ever entered my mind.
In the end, my manager believed me. And you know what? It doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, and it doesn’t matter what this person who made the complaint thinks. It also doesn’t matter to me when someone pays me a compliment, thanking me for my dedication (that’s balance). I inquired about making my own complaint against him to his manager, which my manager thought was unnecessary. I let the notion go immediately, just as I let everything else go when it’s not in the cards, because I don’t care what that employee’s manager thinks either.
None of these people’s opinions matter to me because I know the truth. I know myself, and I know that I’m understanding, I employ empathy and I always go the extra mile, but I also know a selfish asshole when I hear one. I know a bully who uses intimidation to get his or her way when they don’t get what they want, and I know I have the courage to say “No” and the grace to not allow someone’s wounded ego to control my emotions. I’m not Deepak Chopra or Mahatma Gandhi. Never claimed to be. The “love everyone, especially those who are hard to love” mentality doesn’t work for me and never has. I’m more of a “What is not for you is against you, what is against you is your enemy and you need to conquer it” kind of guy. I recognize the selfish, manipulative, unempathetic pieces of garbage when they cross my path, and I give them exactly what I feel they need. Not love, not a soft and gentle voice, but a stern and adamant “I disagree” or “That doesn’t work for me.” They are the way they are not because of their losses but because of everything they’ve been privileged to have. I feel it’s my duty to keep them from having one more thing if they appear to me to be someone who throws a hissy fit when they don’t once again get their way. It’s my astronomical losses that have given me the ability to let things go in the blink of an eye and not be emotionally affected by not getting what I want. It was being spoiled earlier in life that caused me to get upset or unhappy whenever I didn’t get what I wanted. It’s losing two babies and being in constant physical pain that’s allowed me to be unaffected today whenever something doesn’t go the way I planned it to. I’ve lived both lives and have paid attention to my reactions in both mindsets, and it’s helped me understand others. It’s being honest with myself that has given me this absolute confidence.
I know myself, and I fully trust myself. I made no apologies to my manager, and said this tactic was intended to simply make me question my actions going forward, which I wouldn’t be doing. I hope this story serves as a lesson; that an accusing finger doesn’t have to “ruin your day.” It is possible to have the confidence to simply let it roll off your back, and that confidence will shield you from the pathetic, sniveling attacks of selfish, cowardly brats as long as you know yourself, and you know that your motives are not self-serving.
“It’s not that easy,” I’ve been told
When I use the word, “Choice”
They tell me they have no control
Of the tone in their voice
When they are mad, when they are sad
When something makes them scared
Choosing to control their feelings
Very few have dared
They don’t get what they want and so
They let their weakness flow
They pout, they cry, they whine, they snap
And wallow in their woe
“Why don’t you choose to fight your angst?”
I ask them even though
I know exactly why, because
They do not choose to grow
“It’s not that easy!” they reply
And since ease is not there
They act as though I’m silly and
For my words they don’t care
I think about the ultrasound
The doctor stares at screen
My wife still lays there hopeful but
I already do glean
I read the doctor’s posture and
His tone before he talks
I know the baby’s heart has stopped
As mine now loudly knocks
My wife asks if he sees both legs
He says, “There’s something worse”
I see the truth upon his face
As well as on the nurse
And though it’s “not that easy,” I
Choose to employ control
Instead of sorrow, I choose grace
And hold my wife, console
I hug her crying parents but
No tears adorn my eyes
Later, I console my mother
As she wails and cries
I never lose control because
My choice was resolute
Just as for years I have now done
This choice I won’t refute
And weak normals will doubt and say
“You’re in shock or denial!”
I waste no words on them because
No challenge, test or trial
Will ever hone them, forge them into
Something strong and stern
These doubting normals only do
For ease and comfort yearn
Yes, it would have been easy
To cry and wail and scream
But ease to Warriors exists
Only in far off dreams…
At our follow-up, we were told the baby’s heart had stopped.
Thank you to all who sent well-wishes, and especially those who went the extra mile to send a private message of love and support (and continue to do so) throughout not only this heavy news, but also the physical and emotional ordeal my wife had to endure afterwards. If you’d like to send her your support directly, you can contact her on her Facebook page My Zen Journey.
Peace, grace, strength,